Artificial Intelligence.

F-f-f-f-ind yourself.

My life is not tragic. It is not pleasurable. It is not mine.
Like everything, we humans, make life to be a possession, but that is false. Life does not belong to us, it is not ours to critic or referee. When we feel it has been fulfilled or wasted, we misconstrue, when the reality is that we have no credited hypothesis regarding the matter. Although, one may argue that, life, a series of events, is yours to define and obtain. But, I ask you, does an event belong to us? If it does, then does a joyous occurrence as well? Or a unfortunate one? Or are all of these happening simple, well, happenings? I understand that we want to believe every incident in life happens for some sacrosanct reason, but I beg to differ. I personally, believe that thought is another psychological vanity that is deep rooted and ill esteem in our truthfully, sad, feeble and pathetic repetitive lives.





Please, excuse my ranter, I am feeling very cynical and pessimistic today... but perhaps this is when I am the most realistic.

Behibak.

There are a few things in life that are so glorious that you spend your life trying to feel them again. Emotions that are both indescribable and uncanny, but so invigorating. For instance, that moment in your life that you are so in love that every song on the radio relates to you and the air on your skin feels like the world is holding you, while the words that spill from your mouth are ripe and sweet, and the glow from your eyes enchants everyone around you.

Or that night that you spent crying over spiteful words thrown at you and you're so exhausted from sadness, that it's as if suddenly you're guardian angel sprinkles a touch of peace atop you, and you sleep better and deeper then ever before.

That day you looked yourself in the eye, and finally came to accept yourself.


While all of these situations may occur numerous times in your life, it's the initial feeling that sticks to your mind. We all have something in common, we all want to obtain our ultimate happiness, and although that sounds so simple, it's the most complicated desire to have. Something that may have initially made you happy, can expire or sour, and become the source of your unhappiness. Or you may desire something or someone and it is nothing like it seemed. Maybe you find yourself evolving into a different individual and what once made you happy, is now simply disappointment.

But I realize that 'happiness' is such an incredibly relative word, and I may never truly understand it. So, should I advise you to live in the current happiness in life? In this moments happiness? But, why do people have savings banks? Surely, because you must invest in your future? Then again, is the future guaranteed? Certainly not. Still, what would happen if I took a plane to Vienna with no detailed plans and no extra money, would I be making myself happy and fulfilling my dreams? Or ....

This goes on and on.
Basically, I want to believe that everyone eventually follows their dreams.
I hope I do.

Expell excessive vanity.

UPDATE: I cut my hair off. (^here^) {I look hideous, but I promise it's not so bad}

I cut my hair.

Celestial soul

I have what I need, just not abreast me, may I be excused to retrieve it?
Am I able to momentarily leave the grand 'feast' of life?
Surely I will not be missed from this tireless buffet of trials and tribulations.
May I? Or should I ask...
Can I?
Is it possible?
Should I call for an attendant?
Although, I don't believe one is necessary.
Perhaps it is however, one does not know what could be lurking in the darkness.

Light my candle.

WHY do I have so many expectations for myself? Honestly, HONESTLY, who do I think I am? It just feels like I'm suffocating myself, but I'm failing at that too. I just wish I could say that I knew what I wanted, but all I can say is that I think I know what I want. Why aren't I sure? Is it because I'm 'young and naïve'? 'Cause if youth is the biggest factor playing into this, then please, Father Time, speed up. If it's wisdom I'm lacking, then would you please point me in the right direction? I'm so very lost.

Seriously though, what do I want?'
It's funny because, people always tells me I seem "responsible, insightful, and articulate"....if only they really knew.

Let's plan this out together...


I'll grow up (one day) travel the world (or not) fall in love (skipping that part) write a novel? (overrated) grow a beard,, get a truck driving license, join the circus....okay, now I'm just being silly and this was a FAIL of a plan, but it's an example of how my mind works.

Why can't you buy the really important things in life? Like, oh I don't know, a good life?

.....where the h*ll am I going with this?

This sonata.

There will never be a question in your life that you do not have the answer to. We, as in, you and I alike, live in a constant state of confusion, disbelief, and/or speechlessness. I have no remedy for this immutable issue, just like I have no remedy to most...simply theories. However, You, my friend, have all the answers you need. Whatever pain and heartbreak you have endured, are insignificant to this very moment. Right Now. This Second. Because this is the most important time in your life. It has the potential to be perfect and unforgettable, or terrible and bitter. More then likely, it will simply be another unrecognizable moment in your life, and for that, I am still grateful to be a part of it.

Sometimes, I don't know where to find happiness. It's as if I'm suddenly walking in a dark room, with my hands tied behind my back, everything seems destitute...then! suddenly! Just as easily, a switch is turned and my eyes are pierced by light. This doesn't mean I am in a better situation, probably worse, with my hands behind my back, I am, or feel I am, unable to facilitate my life for progression. If I could only see the truth! Sadly, eyes see only an illusion and not what is so crucial for genuine understanding. The only way I can see myself, or anyone, ever truly appreciating life, is to live in this.very.moment.

Words.
All I do is type words.
I live the same illusion I forsake.