Expell excessive vanity.

UPDATE: I cut my hair off. (^here^) {I look hideous, but I promise it's not so bad}

I cut my hair.

Celestial soul

I have what I need, just not abreast me, may I be excused to retrieve it?
Am I able to momentarily leave the grand 'feast' of life?
Surely I will not be missed from this tireless buffet of trials and tribulations.
May I? Or should I ask...
Can I?
Is it possible?
Should I call for an attendant?
Although, I don't believe one is necessary.
Perhaps it is however, one does not know what could be lurking in the darkness.

Light my candle.

WHY do I have so many expectations for myself? Honestly, HONESTLY, who do I think I am? It just feels like I'm suffocating myself, but I'm failing at that too. I just wish I could say that I knew what I wanted, but all I can say is that I think I know what I want. Why aren't I sure? Is it because I'm 'young and naïve'? 'Cause if youth is the biggest factor playing into this, then please, Father Time, speed up. If it's wisdom I'm lacking, then would you please point me in the right direction? I'm so very lost.

Seriously though, what do I want?'
It's funny because, people always tells me I seem "responsible, insightful, and articulate"....if only they really knew.

Let's plan this out together...


I'll grow up (one day) travel the world (or not) fall in love (skipping that part) write a novel? (overrated) grow a beard,, get a truck driving license, join the circus....okay, now I'm just being silly and this was a FAIL of a plan, but it's an example of how my mind works.

Why can't you buy the really important things in life? Like, oh I don't know, a good life?

.....where the h*ll am I going with this?

This sonata.

There will never be a question in your life that you do not have the answer to. We, as in, you and I alike, live in a constant state of confusion, disbelief, and/or speechlessness. I have no remedy for this immutable issue, just like I have no remedy to most...simply theories. However, You, my friend, have all the answers you need. Whatever pain and heartbreak you have endured, are insignificant to this very moment. Right Now. This Second. Because this is the most important time in your life. It has the potential to be perfect and unforgettable, or terrible and bitter. More then likely, it will simply be another unrecognizable moment in your life, and for that, I am still grateful to be a part of it.

Sometimes, I don't know where to find happiness. It's as if I'm suddenly walking in a dark room, with my hands tied behind my back, everything seems destitute...then! suddenly! Just as easily, a switch is turned and my eyes are pierced by light. This doesn't mean I am in a better situation, probably worse, with my hands behind my back, I am, or feel I am, unable to facilitate my life for progression. If I could only see the truth! Sadly, eyes see only an illusion and not what is so crucial for genuine understanding. The only way I can see myself, or anyone, ever truly appreciating life, is to live in this.very.moment.

Words.
All I do is type words.
I live the same illusion I forsake.

Your music gives me fever.

Time has seemed to exaggerate my feelings, or rather, exasperated them.
It's true, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but somehow I doubt that applies to this situation.
I suppose more than anything, it's rerouting my routine, my life. When you're so accustomed to arguments simply because you looked forward to the making up...but what way is that to live? Trust plays the biggest factor, and if you are void of it, then I suppose you never had anything to begin with, at least nothing substantial.

Where is my issue? I feel it, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Immature jealousy, perchance? I put so much work into shaping our mold, but I did not wait for it to dry, and whomever may walk by, will enjoy the finished product that I put so much of myself into.
Howbeit, this is how it works, this is how love and life work.

@@@<----___----->@@@

I don't understand.

I used to understand...

Maybe, I never understood.

This is pointless.



Sincerely,
ennui

I know...

BIG CHANGES ARE TAKING PLACE.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for them, but I know they are more than ready for me. This is a point where you either jump or you're left behind, and I'll be damned if I allow my own potential to slip away from me. I know who I am and if what I think is incorrect, I will soon find out. Either way, this world was meant for me and I for it.