Noh mask.

The subject of 'insecurity' has come to my attention many times. It's one of those pesky truths about life, but most especially about adolescence. The whole world lives in a perpetual state of insecurity, and it causes unnecessary apprehension in your being.
I know, for the most part, that this blog has been anonymous...but, I want to attach myself to it. Honestly. Completely. Faithfully. Something resembling a functional relationship, that I will never actually obtain in reality.

Last night, I attempted to be honest. Not the kind of honest where you simply tell the forgiving truth, but the kind of honest where you tell the truth exactly the way it appears in your mind. The kind people, appreciative of honesty or not, never ever want to hear. Honest in the way that seems cruel. The kind of honesty your mind damns you to deal with, but not the kind it intends for you to share.
Consequently, it was not appreciated, a result I expected, a result I could understand. Still, I love the person I was honest with. Not the kind of love where you swoon, but the kind where you would take a bullet, or a knife to the heart, if that would ensure their longevity and happiness in life. I had hoped they would see me finally opening my soul, they would appreciate and admire it, they would do so in turn, and it would prove our love true ever lasting. That, expectantly, did not occur. They were angered and hurt, and I was not apologetic, simply sympathetic. I used to swoon over said person. I had been in love. I am not anymore. I know that tonight, for absolute sure, after last night.

Nevertheless, I feel that experience upset something deep within me, but also aroused a new taste of free-will. What might become of all my relationships with others if I was the most pure state of honest with them? They say that truth is priceless and divine, but to me the "truth" leaves much to be desired and I do not believe that world wants it.

See, 'truth' is like a beautiful woman, who so hideously sleeps with many men and even worse, she smiles about it and deems herself guiltless for being honest. You dislike her, and you may deny her validity, but you must admit her courage, but more importantly, her beauty...you can't hate her.

Most people are moral and just, which is why most people are not honest. The truth is offensive, immoral, inappropriate, and vulgar. Should I become a student of dishonesty, and live my life with a façade to ensure my place in society? Or should I become a slave to honesty, and live my life by the current, with no shield but also with no vice?

I think, Reader, you could see why I might be amused by the latter.