Safe.

I am so disappointed in myself. Somehow, I've become a complacent soul. At some point or another, I have decided to accept the way things are. I find myself allowing my mind to put up a white flag, when before I would fight even the smallest of discretion. Even though, I learned to control my immature rebellions, I feel I may have along the line extinguished the fire within. I'm a dreamer, a restless dreamer, no doubt. However, what is a dreamer with no fiery, passionate ambition? What is a dream without the force of insistence behind it? Honestly, I don't even remember what half of my so-called dreams where! It's absolutely terrifying, when you cannot even identify your own talents. I fear I may have lost my sense of self...I don't know when, how, or where. Once upon a time, I was a girl with endless possibilities and potential. I had the world at my fingertips, and imagination on my back like wings. I believed whatever I felt should be, whether it was logical or feasible did not elude me one bit. Poetry was my vocabulary, and sincerity my honor. I wonder if I am still that girl. I wonder if I still have her within me. For now, it seems so much work to be like her, when before it was a natural burdened gift. As the days pass, and reality of a future filled with petty adulthood responsibilities creep closer, I fear losing myself to myself. I want to get away, allow myself to show all my colors! See the beauty of this world and appreciate every breath once more! To escape the complacency of my surroundings, to escape constant reminders or maturity.

xxx