You are a fraud.

"Birds of a feather flock together."

It's true, that the people you allow in your life are a reflection of yourself. When you befriend or tolerate someone who's behavior isn't what "you would do", it may as well be. You're telling the world that you condone said persons behavior and that it's dandy with you.

So your friend is racist. "'Oh, but, I'm not racist"....You may as well be, you're befriending someone who is. That is inadvertently accepting their behavior and adopting it, just like you adopt the friendship.

Your friend is a gossiper and has a habit of backbiting. Of course, you're way too "naive" to notice, and it's not like you're saying anything. Again, you may as well be talking as much as he/she. Do you have any balls? Do you stick up for the people she/he talks about? Is she/he honest, and say those things in front of subjected person? If the answer is "No" to those three questions, then YOU, are also a dishonest slanderer.

The reality is that most people don't have the guts to surround themselves with good people. That being because, most good people end up being dishonest due to the fact that are surrounded with dishonest people who also used to be good. Crazy huh? But very true and very pathetic. It's not rocket science people, I'm not telling anyone something they didn't already know.

I don't expect anyone to be saintly and I don't even want you to be. Still, think about whether or not you have to watch what you say in front of 'certain' people. Are these people your supposed 'friends'? If you don't have room enough in your friendship for honesty, then you never had friendship to begin with.

Which brings me to another topic, loyalty. Something most people know absolutely nothing about. The people you are loyal to are not perfect, because no one is. The people you are loyal to are not godly or necessarily talented, because those are not reasons to announce loyalty. The people one should chose to be loyal to are the people who are consistent and loyal to a certain type of lifestyle. These kinds of people are persistent in their pursuit to see positivity spring from whatever they can. The people you are loyal to, never test your loyalty, but when they do, it is with very strong feeling. Are you loyal to the right people?

I have wasted loyalty before, I will never get all that energy and dedication back. They couldn't return the gesture....in simple (and vulgar) words, "They had no balls" and definitely weren't consistent in any aspect of their lives.

I want to be a good friend of yours, Reader;
I hope in return you will be honest and loyal.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thurayya

Noh mask.

The subject of 'insecurity' has come to my attention many times. It's one of those pesky truths about life, but most especially about adolescence. The whole world lives in a perpetual state of insecurity, and it causes unnecessary apprehension in your being.
I know, for the most part, that this blog has been anonymous...but, I want to attach myself to it. Honestly. Completely. Faithfully. Something resembling a functional relationship, that I will never actually obtain in reality.

Last night, I attempted to be honest. Not the kind of honest where you simply tell the forgiving truth, but the kind of honest where you tell the truth exactly the way it appears in your mind. The kind people, appreciative of honesty or not, never ever want to hear. Honest in the way that seems cruel. The kind of honesty your mind damns you to deal with, but not the kind it intends for you to share.
Consequently, it was not appreciated, a result I expected, a result I could understand. Still, I love the person I was honest with. Not the kind of love where you swoon, but the kind where you would take a bullet, or a knife to the heart, if that would ensure their longevity and happiness in life. I had hoped they would see me finally opening my soul, they would appreciate and admire it, they would do so in turn, and it would prove our love true ever lasting. That, expectantly, did not occur. They were angered and hurt, and I was not apologetic, simply sympathetic. I used to swoon over said person. I had been in love. I am not anymore. I know that tonight, for absolute sure, after last night.

Nevertheless, I feel that experience upset something deep within me, but also aroused a new taste of free-will. What might become of all my relationships with others if I was the most pure state of honest with them? They say that truth is priceless and divine, but to me the "truth" leaves much to be desired and I do not believe that world wants it.

See, 'truth' is like a beautiful woman, who so hideously sleeps with many men and even worse, she smiles about it and deems herself guiltless for being honest. You dislike her, and you may deny her validity, but you must admit her courage, but more importantly, her beauty...you can't hate her.

Most people are moral and just, which is why most people are not honest. The truth is offensive, immoral, inappropriate, and vulgar. Should I become a student of dishonesty, and live my life with a façade to ensure my place in society? Or should I become a slave to honesty, and live my life by the current, with no shield but also with no vice?

I think, Reader, you could see why I might be amused by the latter.

Review: Tekkonkinkreet

Tekkonkinkreet is an absolutely excellent film. There is so much to discuss regarding this movie, I barely know where to start. For those of you Anime fans (like me), you'll appreciate the detailed animation. However, even if you are not a fan of 'cartoons', upon watching this movie, you will have to admit the very crucial and incredibly profound plot exhibited so meticulously.
This is what the back of the DVD box says:

"...In Treasure Town, life can be both gentle and brutal. This is never truer for our heroes, Black and White, two street urchins who watch over the city, doing battle with an array of old-world Yakuza and alien assassins vying to rule the decaying metropolis."

The movie is an adaptation from Aniplex and Sony pictures of the popular manga written by Taiyo Matsumomo. I can not stress what a good flick this is. There is a depth to it that is too deep and too diverse for me to explain to you, it's something you must witness for yourself and will affect you as an individual. This is not a new picture, I believe it was released in 2007, but I had the pleasure of watching it for the first time about 3 months ago. It's definitely one of my absolute favorites now.

Btw: a "Yakuza" pretty much refers gangster in Japanese, but it is not a direct translatable word

Vexed

People are so terribly disappointing. I'm sure it's no one's fault, simply they are at fault for being human. Still, I find myself newly disappointed all the time. I know I am greatly liable, being as I am also condemned to constant inconsistency. Sometimes, I wish words didn't exist. I wish I didn't have to communicated with you through these absurd letters. I feel so foolish, because it is a vain attempt at a connection. My petty attempt at intercourse with you, The Reader. All I have ever wanted was intimacy with you, a stranger. I fear my words do not have conviction enough to entice such an exceptional act. Can you tell, Reader? That I can never get to the core of my conviction? That I run in a circle of futile attempts to actually express what I really mean? It's such a strain to hold back, but it's impossible to release. How, I ask you, how can I ever be a decent, let alone note-worthy writer, if I can not learn to release? Not in any sense, do I know how to release. Not when I speak, not when I touch, and certainly not when I write.

However, I hold this inter-web journal (or whatever you may call it) close to my mind.
You shall not perish, dear Reader.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/thurayya

Evolve

My life is taking shape, I will soon diminish and in my place a new specimen will emerge.

Once, I was told that when a caterpillar goes into it's cocoon, it embarks on a unbelievable journey of transformation. However, the pain felt by the caterpillar is so remarkable, that I could only imagine how physically agonizing it actually is. Still, I think I'm beginning to understand how mentally and emotionally dreadful it is.
The other day, my younger sister told me she was afraid of growing up and that she would avoid doing so if given the choice. I should have told her that she was wise, but instead, I lied and told her there was nothing to be afraid of. Funny thing is, when I was her age, I was so excited to grow up. I was convinced that I would simply grow wings and fly...I've yet to grow wings, I am nothing like the caterpillar.

But perhaps, one must build their own wings.