It's the depth of life...

How exhausting! Life is so incredibly tedious, I can barely stand it. I'm sure I'm a bit of a special case, I seem to get frustrated and bored easily (as if that classifies someone as 'special'). I wonder if that's immature or simply my nature? We'll go with nature. I've said before that patience was a very fortunate virtue to have, but it doesn't look like I've obtained it.

Have you ever seen summer rain? When the sky is clear, usually in the evening, with brilliant colors of purple, magenta, and blue with white clouds, all the while the rain falls gently from it. That is probably one of the most beautiful sights in life. I feel like it describes me; the sky is clear and color full but yet the rain still comes. Although, I love rain, still it can come as both a positive of negative symbol.
We need rain to water our crops, to bring life to the earth that gives us life, but too much rain will drown you and your precious earth. To me, if there is a God that is the surest form of symbolism and philosophy you can be shown.


Lately, I'm starting to see the people I love most for what they are. I suppose there comes a time, for every mother, father, mentor, and in my case, elder sister, where you realize and learn to accept certain things about the people dearest to you. It's coming to my attention that everything I value and deem worthy in life isn't the same as my baby sisters. Now, I'm sure this epiphany is similar to the one my elder sister had in regards to me, and I now appreciate her more than ever. It's a difficult thing, to allow the beautiful roses; you tended to and sheltered so dearly, to change colors. You may have intended for them to be red, a classic and timeless color, but instead they grew pink. In time you may learn the grace and beauty that pink entitles, but it is an abrupt shock that is unwelcome initially. Isn't all change? These shifts in the tide among my siblings, due to puberty and maturity, are at times hard to swallow. I find myself lashing out; when I know I was at once in their same shoes (who know if I'm not still wearing a pair!). Now, it's important to focus on the core of the relationship. Heaven knows I love my sisters more than I could ever describe, but now it's time to show them. You can't say you love someone, until you love them when it's difficult to.

Do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hand?

HM, finally writing in my blog brings back bittersweet feelings of nostalgia.
I remember when I initially created it, with great expectations and a vow of loyalty, but summer quickly had me desert.
Oh, California. Where do I start? That was the worst and best year of my life, I learned so much, but fought so hard.

Anyways, it's two years later and I'm the sweet age of 18 that's not so sweet. It's probably one of the most difficult point's in a persons life; your young but naive, and you have so much you want, with little to start off on. I know that I'm not the only person going through these tribulations, but it's such a lonely process and I've yet to wrap my head around the fact that I'm technically an adult....Whatever that means. I mean, I've always felt like I had lived before, which made life feel a bit repetitive, but now I realize how scary the big bad world actually is.

Well, I've been writing again. It's not the same as the stuff I used to write, no, it's much more informative and less vague. I realize that maturity means that you need to a bit more straightforward with what you're trying to say, needless to say, I've become much more blunt. I'm sure old friends would say I've always been blunt, or bitchy (excuse my french), now I'm just more selective. I know that people don't really care about your feelings, I've learned that the hard way, and you really have to look after yourself before anything else.