Untitled

Full to the tip, I am walking the thin line between sanity and the abyss. All of the thoughts fill my head, congesting my chest, suffocating my heart. Relative, are the words tumbling from my lips. What makes us young will be our pain when we're old. I find a clover, with no leaves, with no roots, underneath my pillow. Can we symbolize ourselves? I want to sink into you. Deeply. Completely. Until I no longer have eyes, until I no longer hear sound, until I decompose. When I find hell, I'll know that paradise exists. But this isn't hell. No. This is that place in the grocery store that no one really goes to. Where it's dusty and lonely, because the merchandise perched on the shelves is unfavorable and almost useless. Maybe I'll find you here, but I would more likely find you in the frozen food section. Steady is the ground underneath my feet. Heavy is the sky above me. I forgot why I came here.

I am weary of the world.

There are few things in your life worth remembering, that may not mean you won't remember the meaningless moments. Even the moments that seem to hold emotional value mean nothing. Nothing at all. One truth, one comment, one moment later, can shatter it all.
One might feel philosophically gifted and graced with peace of mind, but in actuality humans are lagging most in basic logic. You don't believe me? Look around you. Half of the issues in the world would fade had we been blessed with common sense during 'evolution'. You think not?

Tell a drug addict to stop doing drugs, he goes on to tell you that an addiction is a mental condition and he can't just stop. However, why the hell did he start in the first place? We've all seen the "Live Above the Influence" commercials. You might think that it's a lot more complicated than that, you may be sympathetic towards the addict for whatever reason. Nevertheless, let me remind you of the age old' mind over matter deal, it was a choice to become an addict and simple common sense could have altered it all.
Life is a general choice, every single breath, a choice, every morning you wake, a choice.
I wonder if I make people think, or if I just sound ridiculous reiterating what one may already be aware of....who cares, eh? This is my addiction, my philosophical therapy.

Leaving it alone, for good.

With everything that life is, the one thing it is not and has never claimed to be is fair...maybe that's for the best.

Indentity crisis.

With an Arab father and a black&white mother, you'd think I would know exactly who to identify with, right? Can you feel my sarcasm? I thought so.
Frankly, I don't want to identify with any of that, so from now on I'm just a gypsy...because I am thoroughly confused.

Meet me on calvary.

It's interesting to find oneself stuck on a journey that seems obsolete and ill fated. When you sincerely believe nothing will work out and it's all completely downhill from here...please, don't misunderstand me, I am not whining nor am I naive enough to think that my negativity is truth. It's not. Still, words, as small and meaningless as they can be, are also so powerful and dangerous.

I have found myself at a place, vacant and penetrating, that has brought to me this rushing feeling. A surge of....dejection? I mean, the words are above me and I can't reach them, but I'm sure it's familiar to many people. I talk a lot about progression, about change, and if there is one thing I do not want to be (again) is a hypocrite. I will rise above myself, above others expectations, above so-called "fate". My life, your life, is your own and nothing, not even unexplainable fear, can take that away from you.

Okay, I'm done with my lecture...go in peace.

Young Folks

What is it, that when you're young you have an insatiable desire for acceptance? I can't sit here and tell you I'm above it, because that would be a demon lie, but at least I recognize it...as if that means anything. Maybe it's not just young people, maybe it's society in general, either way it's stressful. I've found myself in a new light, a new world, much different and much faster then my previous planet.

When you're young, you're concerns lye in what your peers think of you, what you wear, who you talk to, what you do, where you go, how you talk..........this could take all day. Basically, you may be an individual and all that jazz, but you're under constant scrutiny and comparison. It's absolutely vicious and corrupt. I know your mentors will tell you to accept yourself, for who and what you are, but it's so hard to do when you don't know what that is. In this world of constant judgment and ignorance, that are often mixed together, you get lost and become a battered soul. Insecure is an understatement. We become frail and pliable, and gradually develop into broken and bitter. It's a heinous crime that we unknowingly afflict on each other, and it' will continue.

I would like to believe maturity and wisdom will sweep these absurd complications away, but somehow that seems unlikely.

The smell of memories.

I love the way autumn air smells, it's so clear and half-alive, reminds me of something....