Your music gives me fever.

Time has seemed to exaggerate my feelings, or rather, exasperated them.
It's true, distance makes the heart grow fonder, but somehow I doubt that applies to this situation.
I suppose more than anything, it's rerouting my routine, my life. When you're so accustomed to arguments simply because you looked forward to the making up...but what way is that to live? Trust plays the biggest factor, and if you are void of it, then I suppose you never had anything to begin with, at least nothing substantial.

Where is my issue? I feel it, but I can't quite put my finger on it. Immature jealousy, perchance? I put so much work into shaping our mold, but I did not wait for it to dry, and whomever may walk by, will enjoy the finished product that I put so much of myself into.
Howbeit, this is how it works, this is how love and life work.

@@@<----___----->@@@

I don't understand.

I used to understand...

Maybe, I never understood.

This is pointless.



Sincerely,
ennui

I know...

BIG CHANGES ARE TAKING PLACE.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for them, but I know they are more than ready for me. This is a point where you either jump or you're left behind, and I'll be damned if I allow my own potential to slip away from me. I know who I am and if what I think is incorrect, I will soon find out. Either way, this world was meant for me and I for it.

Post-haste

Dear Love,

You were, easily, my favorite feeling
but
feelings fade, and eventually tire.
I couldn't tell you what I wanted exactly, it's just not that easy.
Still, next time you come my way, these are a few things I desire.

I want him to love me, with such a fierce passion that it's like gravity that pulls me toward him and him towards me. Without me, he should be unable to function. Sleep. Eat. Live.
When he says my name, I want to hear him, miles away, days away, I want his echo to live within me. Sweet Love, please make sure he finds me unparalleled to all others, make sure he see's the sunrise and sunset in my eyes.

Allow us to build a story, worth telling, worth hearing. He should be selfish in his quest for my attention, for my affection. However, he will lead me to my dreams...perhaps, the dreams will swim within him and only my heart will be the key to his Pandora, his heart. Yes, Love, I think that would do nicely. When death comes to our door, our love should linger and whichever is left behind, should never be lonely.

Lastly, I hope you will bring him to me in a timely manner, for I do not wish to waste anymore time in life living void of him.



Respectfully, ever so worshipful, and adoringly,
Your loyal disciple.

Untitled

i am nothing like you know me and i have forgotten why i looked into your eyes. you are hideous and i hate you. i hope you die slowly, i hope you feel every aspect of pain and when life seeps through your teeth, i hope it chokes you, ever. so. gently.

you are an illusion, you are not me. you are a mirage, you are not me.
aesthetic value is nothing, you are made of clay and i shall paint upon you, a face.
lifeless and misunderstood, you will understand ambiguity.

be careful not to shatter.
you will chip, you will crack.
finally, you will decompose.
we will forget the whereabouts of your stone.
we have forgotten the whereabouts of your yard.
I will paint you a new face, it should be grave.
I suspect.

Untitled

Do not frown at your laugh lines; ungratefulness is aging and foul. When I listen, I hear not what you say, but feel what you do not say. You are an image of perfection, with all of your imperfections, which I so perfectly love so imperfectly. Do not long for the luxuries of youth; rejoice for the wisdom of age. Eyes, with their pupils like black holes, see what is before them, but not what is beyond them. Everything in life is a secret ready to be possessed, should I look? No, do not open your eyes. I will take a light and shine it at your eyelids, you will know sun. No, not to see sun, rather, you will feel sun. Like everything, like everyone, your story will be impossible to see, almost impossible to hear, but so ready to be felt. I do not believe that I would like to be deaf, but I have wished to be blind. What is it that we are so vain to think we need to see what is around us? I can feel water or oil in my hands, and know the difference, my eyes merely confirm it.

Felix sit annus novus

AGH <--I'm not sure what sound that is, but just label it as a "grunt of frustration". Whomever reads my blogs has quite some patience, because more than half of the time I sound like a babbling idiot. I don't know where I'm going with these blogs, and if I started off knowing, I end up somewhere on the far, far, left. I need friends... Scratch that, I need a hobby. Recently, I've taken to running and it's proving to be quite consoling. If I could sum up what my brain goes through on a daily basis, doing daily insignificant task, I would compare it to what the rest of my body goes through when I run. Considering I am extremely out of shape, I find myself out of breath from merely 10 minutes of consistent jogging, and getting my breath back? Well, that's nearly impossible. Eeating right, check, working out, check, the ddiscipline to keep it up....uhhhh...

Happy New Year, everyone! How exciting to have arrived in this clean slate...not. I don't understand every one's obsession with "new years" and "resolutions", it's completely preposterous to think that this year is actually that much different than the last ( besides the fact that two years from now the world shall end and all will be futile and lost forever). This brings me back to the age old question of time, what is time? And how is it that we can accurately measure it? Does it exist? And if it does, is it really relevant? Etc, Etc.

How nonsensical, to think that the 1st of January actually excuses you from the previous months of fatuous behavior. It does not. And realistically, you'll go through this year trying to make it so different from the last, that it's as if last year was just yesterday, so you've therefore carried it into your "so-called" clean slate.

Hmm, but really, if I am to have a 'resolution', it will be to work on my negativity...it's not very becoming.

Surely 2010 will be more forgiving than 2009? After all, it probably couldn't be much worse than what 2012 (the movie, that is).